- My Life (45)
- November 1, 2008: Costumes and Candy!
- October 30, 2008: *Huge Pumpkins!*
- September 7, 2008: Moments in Time.
- August 13, 2008: A *new* Month.
- July 27, 2008: "Why I wore lipstick to my Masectomy"
- July 15, 2008: Quiet Time...
- July 9, 2008: It Comes in 3's...
- July 1, 2008: Happy Birthday Paper Trunk!!!
- June 22, 2008: The World Turns...
- June 22, 2008: Before & After...
Clouds that may pass…
The
clouds that stay and follow me over my head do not last for long. I am sooo
blessed to have such wonderful friendships and an amazing Husband that helps
those clouds pass quickly. Out of the darkness and into the light. I have had
to fight for 19 years and will continue to do just that but I am ready to do
just that. Just as I have been. Not all those that know me just passing me by
on the street or in a store would know I have had such a struggle going on in me all
the time. I feel the strength of my Mother’s embrace, I hear her last words
to me, I hear mine to Her. It will be 19 yrs. on the 29th, since she has been
physically out of my life and been replaced by fear. I wonder what tomorrow
holds for my children and I and Dale. So much changes so quickly. I have God,
my Savior, He gets me through each day as I stumble. The clouds continue to
part as I believe. I will always believe. I will always put my trust in the
Lord. I know my life has had its meaning and has more. I know I have influence
on my Children and even their Children. I already am planning my days with Cole
and Addison’s Little ones. I will not waste ONE moment. Life is way to short.
My Father would say: ” You cannot enjoy it once you are gone” and he never knew
he would pass so early in his early 50’s, He lived every day for each moment. Dale and
I are doing the same. We have been heart-broken over past experiences but that
just makes us stronger. We know what everything we have done is all we can do,
and is done. Everything is in God’s hands now. These razors that bite at me
and only me, not Dale. Will be something I will fight against forever. BUT I
will not let them win. Yes, I am in a tug of war, I have felt despair and pain. I have
been in those Dark Clouds, but I am ME, and I believe in GOD, Together we will
win, These dark clouds will part and I will have my peace I soo long…not just
every once in a while, but every day. To wake up everyday here in AZ and want
the rain is very very sad. I am tired of the sun. It hurts my eyes. Life is
crazy. Lucky I have Dale to fall to, He is my Arms of safety. I pre apologize for this entry, i am vulnerable right now. I love you all. xoxoxoxoxoxo-J
It takes Courage period.
November 26, 2007 at 11:37 am
Julie. what a wonderful young woman you are.I won’t say you have grown into it because you have always been a very kind, sweet and sensitive person. Being the oldest I think your parents deaths at such a young age had a greater impact that any of us realized at the time. that along with your having to move from your friends, your home into a new family i am sure was very challenging and you kept alot of your feelings to yourself, as most of us do.! I am always amazed at the wonderful things you have done and continue to do for your children and your husband. Your contined acknowledgement of how much you love them and what wonderful people they are is wonderful to hear. I appreciated your beautiful phone message at Thanksgiving. I too, love you and your family very much. Did I send you the childrens book about Memories. If not, let me know and I will send you a copy. It is a beautiful book. some time we will sit and talk about what I can remember about your mom, our mom and dad and you kids growing up. Hopefully you will be staying a few days when you come in June andwe can meet for awhile, just the two of us and just talk. I would like that very much. Love you lots AK
November 26, 2007 at 2:07 pm
i love you. i feel like saying anything more would not be accurate. you are courageous.
November 30, 2007 at 12:21 am
thinking about you …
love you
December 6, 2007 at 12:16 am
Huggs to you my friend. Always lean on the Lord. He’ll never leave you nor forsake you. Don’t apologize for your entry. It’s good to let these feelings out!